10 Red Flags You’re Dating a Narcissist

Narcissists are able to hide their real selves, but there are many red flags that can signal the man you are dating is a narcissist. Although many women don’t see the warning signs until they have gotten in too deep, as a result, they may end up on what seems like an emotional roller coaster ride from hell. For this reason, you may have a hard time getting off of it. Please don’t ignore these red flags, it could save you from heartbreak and going down a dangerous road.

Another key point is when we become involved with a new partner, we don’t want to judge them too harshly. However, there is a fine line that you must walk. You don’t want to automatically assume that every man you meet is a narcissist, on the other hand, you don’t want to ignore your intuition either.

Women sometimes want over look bad behaviors when they first meet someone because you honestly like the guy. However, your best bet is to assess the situation in the beginning before it gets out of hand and you wind up in a place that you don’t want to be.

What is a Narcissist?

A narcissist is someone who has an over inflated opinion of themselves, as a result, they only care about themselves. Everything always needs to be about them due to the fact that they need to be the center of attention at all times. They only care about fulfilling their own agenda and will use anyone they can to make that happen.

Narcissists are like vampires, they need to suck the life out of you and steal your spirit so they can feel great about themselves. In order for this to happen, they will try to tear you down every chance they get.

For example, lets say you are dressed up because you are going somewhere, they may say things like, “Is that what you are wearing?” or “Your hair looks ridiculous” and of course they will never say you look nice period! They will ignore you and want you to think you are nothing and you need them to survive. Narcissists will stop at nothing until you are on the floor and they are reining supreme over you.

Narcissists can be very charming

If someone seems to good to be true, they probably are. Early in the relationship, it may seem as though this guy is the best thing since sliced bread. As time goes on however, a narcissist will do what is called “slipping the mask”. As a result, the charm will soon disappear, and at this point, the relationship will begin to tarnish. The phrase “slipping the mask” refers to when a narcissist begins to show their true colors. This generally happens when they begin to feel comfortable with you. They feel you won’t leave them even if they begin to slowly show you who they really are.

TRAITS OF A NARCISSIST

1. Narcissists lack empathy

Narcissists do not understand other people’s feelings or be able to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, as a result, they do not comprehend when someone is upset; nor do they care.

2. They have the need to be perfect at everything

As a result of narcissists having such low self-confidence and self-esteem, being perfect helps them to feel better about themselves. For instance, if they have to hang a picture, lets say, if it is not done to the precise measurements, they get very upset. Narcissists need to feel superior, so if they feel if they do everything perfectly then they must be pretty amazing, for instance.

3. Narcissists refuse to take responsibility for anything

Narcissists will blame you and everyone else for everything wrong in their lives. Their job, finances, relationship woes, their anger, etc. Their whole world revolves around blaming others for why their life is the way it is. Narcissists seem to think they are smarter then everyone else and they can always do things better.

For example, if they cut someone off, it is still the other persons fault. They may say things like, “Well the car was tailgating me”, or “He was hiding in my blind spot”. Therefore driving in the car with them can be very stressful.

4. Narcissists are very controlling

Narcissist want to control everything in their life and yours too. Firstly, they will pretend that you are helping in the decision making but you truly are not. Secondly, they will want to know where you are at all times and will check up on you often. Thirdly, narcissists need to control everything in the relationship including money, sex, vacations, who your friends are and how you spend your time. It makes them feel like they are in control and makes them feel superior.

5. They have a lot of anxiety

Because narcissists are frauds, they are afraid that they will be exposed for who they really are. This causes them to have constant anxiety. They don’t want people to know what kind of person they really are nor do they want to think that the amazing person they have pictured in their mind of themselves is someone they will never be.

Another example as to why narcissists have a lot of anxiety is they are afraid of looking bad. If they are challenged in any way, they fear they will not be able to meet the expectations. Further proving to themselves of who is really under the mask.

6. It’s all about them

Narcissists are very insecure, therefore, they need someone to tell them how great they are all the time. They will say negative things about themselves to you just so you will defend them and say “Oh honey, that’s not true”.

They will also make sure to tell you that they are better at everything than you and make sure they never give you any praise or support for anything. That means they never tell you; “Honey, you look nice or “Great job honey” on whatever it is that you accomplished. However, they expect that from you; total double standard, the rules only apply to you but not them.

7. Narcissists are unable to be emotionally supportive

Because narcissists lack empathy, they are unable to understand what you are going through. When you have an illness or grieving over the death of a loved one, they tell you that they don’t want to talk about it or they just don’t want to hear it. If it’s not about them, they aren’t interested.

Another example may be if you are having fear around something, they may tell you that they don’t like people who have anxiety, but they themselves suffer from this. When push comes to shove, they will not step up to the plate and be there for you.

8. They have a habit of lying

Narcissist lie all the time and this can be extremely frustrating! For example, when narcissists go on a rampage, they like to throw temper tantrums like a 2 year old. They will say and do awful things to you and put ridiculous demands on you.

Often times narcissists complain about what a terrible person you are and how you never help them. Some things they may say to you include, “You are such a selfish person” or “I want someone to clean my house, do my laundry, cook my food and give me sex whenever I want it.” When you call them out on it they will say things like, “I never said that” or “You must be making things up in that crazy little head of yours”.

The latter is my favorite one! They are calling you a liar and crazy all in the same sentence. The reason being is they will never admit to you or themselves that they are that kind of person.

9. Narcissists are emotionally abusive

Narcissist use emotional abuse as a way to tear you down. They won’t be happy until you feel you are a worthless human being and cannot live without them. Some forms of emotional abuse include things like gas lighting, invalidation, belittling, bullying, minimizing, the silent treatment, withholding affection and so many others. It can have a huge negative impact on your psyche and mental health.

10. They are master manipulators

Narcissists are very good at manipulating people into getting what they want. They will try to influence your morals and values and get you to do things you would not normally do. Their only motivation is to use you to fulfill their needs. Narcissists do not care about who they hurt, as a result, you will be treated as less than and wind up with a broken heart.

They will try to tear you down

Run the other way

In conclusion, if you are dealing with a narcissist, please tread carefully. These men are toxic and they can also be physically and emotionally abusive. Narcissists only care about themselves and therefore, do not care about you or your feelings. The sooner you realize the person you are dating is a narcissist the better. I am not a doctor or therapist, but I have found for myself and for many of my clients, the only way to end a toxic relationship with a narcissist is to completely cut ties. However, every situation is different so do this only if you feel it is safe.

You are worth so much more than being treating like dirt under someone’s feet. Trust your gut. As soon as you see a red flag, run the other way. It’s best to nip this in the bud rather than waiting for bad things to unravel. (Please see the information below)

Hotline Information

If you feel you are in a dangerous relationship, please contact your local domestic violence service office and/or the domestic violence hotline in your area. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit their website at https://www.thehotline.org/

Above all please be safe!

Christine♥

Christine Newsome, Certified Professional Coach

Christine Newsome is a Certified Professional Coach and a Trauma Informed Certified Coach who helps women become empowered to reset their lives so they can find their true life’s path. One of the areas Christine specializes in is toxic relationships. If you are interested in coaching with Christine, please contact her to set up a free consult. https://bravewomanlifecoaching.com/contact

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